How to Survive: Jeff the Killer

For our first creepypasta survival guide I will take a quiz to see which Creepypasta character I'm most like. Why? Because why not. This is the first one I'm doing, so it should be somewhat special. Now I have picked out the most informative, well thought out quiz that the internet has to offer. That's right, I have chosen ProProfs quiz maker for this momentous decision, the best quiz website....What you thought I was going to use Quotev? Ok, here we go.    <10 minutes later>     Ok, the results are in and.... Colt dammit. I got Jeff the killer. Well I was going to have to talk about him at some point, though I was hoping that when I did I would be drunk on water. Oh well, better get started. Now where did I put the "Book of Fangirls: The Favorite Characters of any Story", I could have sworn that it was next to the Justin Bieber Biography. Before I begin I would just like to put up a formal warning. I will put in my input, be sarcastic, or will reference another's story at some parts; those parts are bracketed. I would also like to thank the people whose stories are in this, you guys are amazing for being able to write these stories and having someone narrate it.



Jeffery "Jeff" Woods is the infamous killer known as Jeff the Killer and is one of the most famous characters in the whole Creepypasta fandom. If you don't know about him then it's ok, he was not my first Creepypasta either and for awhile I thought he was a character from a horror movie. Anyway, Jeff the killer was originally created by someone only known as Sesseur on August 12th. He uploaded the story on his youtube account and it caught fire . I have tried finding his youtube channel, but the only thing that came up was readings of the story by various youtubers, a few fan made videos that were based on the story, and one NukeNorway video. Now Sessuer, according to the books I have found and a few sites, has claimed that he is Jeff the Killer and all other stories about his character are fan made. Many people, since 2012, have written stories on this character, even a Christmas carol. From fan made tales with no following( Like "Jeff the Killer versus Michael Myers) to ones that are magnificently created (like Vincent V. Cava's "Right on Time")to one that have him
shipped with everyone. Creepypasta characters, fan made characters, and....Reader (I'm sorry, but that is somewhat creepy and gross since that's my nickname, also I do not find him attractive).

saiko-chan13 on deviantart

To those who have not listened or read the story, here's a summarization of it. While there has been a reboot made of the original, they have the same idea. He began his reign of killing and mayhem , supposedly, when he was around twelve years old, at least in the original. In the original story, he and his family had moved to a new town. He and his brother Liu were about to be mugged while waiting for the school bus by three bullies, named Randy, Keith, and Troy. Jeff decided he was not going to take it lying down, beat them up in self defense even though the bullies had knives and that there were three of them, and broke Troy's arm in the process. For some reason the police got involved and tried to arrest Jeff (why they did not arrest the kids that were threatening people with knives is beyond my understanding). And when I say tried to arrest Jeff, I mean that his brother Liu took the blame and was arrested unjustly. Their mother, instead of comforting her child now wracked with guilt over the fact his brother had been arrested, forced him to go to a neighbor's birthday party ("Hey son, I know your brother just took the fall for something you did and the people that attacked you are still at large, but you know what will make it all better? Ice cream cake and forced social interaction with the neighbors.")So the next day, they go to the birthday party and ,lo and behold, the bullies from the other day show up with guns and knives.(How the Twilight did they manage to walk around with guns and a couple of knives without getting arrested? I almost got arrested for practicing with a nerf crossbow in my backyard.)Two of the bullies hold up the party goers and one of them tries to beat up Jeff (emphasis on try). He then ,somehow, kills two of them before forcing the third one to follow him to the upstairs bathroom. During their scuffle, Jeff gets doused in bleach and is then set on fire by the last bully he fights. After blacking out ,due to the pain of both the bleach getting onto his eyes and being set on fire, (Gate-control theory) he wakes up in a hospital, with his face bandaged more than Two Face, and his family waiting for him to wake up.  A few days later, the bandages are removed and his family is terrified of him. The fire bleach, and vodka bleached his skin to a snow white color. (Yeah, this would not happen in real life. His face would most likely be extremely red and look a bit like Freddy Krueger's face. And what the hell was his family expecting? The bandages to come off and he would look like Ryan Reynolds when he's not Deadpool?) Any way they bring him home (for some reason the hospital does not test his mental health, smooth move) and they act somewhat normally around him (which is probably extremely difficult since he sounds and is probably high on tranquilizers and morphine).  In the middle of the night, his mother wakes up to see the lights on in her bathroom. As she slowly opens the door, she can hear her son Jeff talking to himself in the bathroom mirror, there's blood on the mirror that says "Aren't I beautiful?" there's a knife in his hand, and he had carved a smile into his cheeks because he , and I quote " I couldn't keep smiling mommy. It hurt after awhile. Now I can smile forever.(Sessuer, 2012) " (That leads me to ask how many pain killers was he on? Seriously, he may have gotten out of the hospital on the same day when he cut his face, but any normal human being would have blacked out during the procedure.) Also, before he tore into his mouth, he managed to cut off his eyelids so he could continue to stare at himself. (Ok, how did he not black out from doing that? The gross out factor alone should have made him black out.) His mom, being oddly calm in this situation, tells her son that he is beautiful and has him go to bed before proceeding to try to wake up her husband. Sadly, she was not smart enough to make sure Jeff actually went to bed because he shows up in the doorway and says "Mommy, you lied" before stabbing her and his father. He then went for his brother Liu and killed him after saying "Go to Sleep." This was the first story, which would plant the seeds for more stories about this improbable killer that include him:
-Fighting Slenderman
-Fighting Laughing Jack
-Fighting Eyeless Jack rap battle style (it's real)
-Managed to escape from the police countless times
-Killed every single parent in one neighborhood on Christmas Night
-Somehow has not gone blind
-Can still fight extremely well when intoxicated
-Managed to defeat Jane the Killer while poisoned
and
-Is somehow immune to bullets or they always miss.

I'm sorry, but this Jeff is unrealistic in many ways as is the story. For starters; a mixture of bleach, vodka, and fire does not cause a person's skin to bleach. Bleach by itself can do this, however, if someone is doused in both bleach and vodka and then set on fire, the results differ. Sometimes the skin peels back, other times it's extremely red and raw , or blackened and charred from where it was exposed. They are then bandaged heavily and put into physical therapy. He was only in there for a few weeks without physical therapy. Also, what hospital releases a patient that went through a traumatic vent like that without a mental health test? One could argue that he was a young teenager o something like that should not be given him to it, however due to the severity of traumatic events ( Bullies come to party with real guns, they beat him up, and he is set on fire). There have been kids given these test around his age, so logically he should have gotten one. Also this brings up a good question, HOW THE TWILIGHT CAN HE SEE? Bleach got into his eyes, he should be blind due to that. Or at least awhile after he cut off his eyelids, we have eyelids to protect and keep our eyes moist. Without moisture and with outside elements , like dust and sand,  HE SHOULD BE BLIND!!!! One can argue that he uses a type of echolocation technique (yes, humans can do this too) to move around and find his prey. However, in the holiday special he steals a drunk Santa's car and drives around in it....How? Or that he uses eye drops, but those can only do so much, and sooner or later he would still go blind. There's also the fact (which I brought up earlier) that the bullies managed to walk around with guns and knives in the suburbs. Usually the suburbs have a police officer drive through every so often or have a neighborhood watch that is supposed to spot out things like that. Even if their were no officers on patrol or neighborhood watch instated there, then a passerby would have seen the knives and known that those boys had bad intentions. Maybe if their were alleyways or they had to go through the woods to get to where Jeff was , then it would be more believable. Then there's the fight scene, where Jeff manages to overpower all three of them. I take Tae kwon do and I remember one class our Sabinum had one of the black belts go to the center of the room and then made all of us circle them. Then he told us to attack the black belt all at once, we did as we were told, and soon the black belt forfeited the game. Our Sabinum then told us that to be able to fight a group of people that ad three or more people in it was challenging and that person was more likely to get knocked out by the group then they were to beat them. The three bullies not only outnumbered Jeff, but they also had weapons and leverage, they could threaten to shoot the partygoers if Jeff seemed to be beating them. Even with adrenaline and anger, there is no way he could have taken out all three of them. Anger tends to make a person's moves very sloppy and have them make rash decisions, which not only could have gotten him killed ,but also everyone that was at the party. Also, why the heck did the police try to arrest Jeff. He was defending himself, his brother, and other bus riders from harm and yet he was almost arrested for it. While the reboot version explains why a lot better, this version does not make sense. Maybe if their was a valid reason, such as Jeff himself had a weapon or he had been practicing martial arts over seven years then it's some what more likely. Then there's the ending, with Jeff eluding the police after killing his family and manages to break into a child's house and almost killed them and their father. While I understand why he did not kill the child or their father when he could, I can actually understand how the police were not alert at the time. From the sound of it, the Woods family has been dead for about five or six months, meaning that the public would remember their deaths in passing. That means the police would have stopped looking for the killer, thinking he had moved on or is dead. The reason Jeff attacked the family , but did not kill them is simple to understand. He wanted attention, he wanted to be feared, and remembered like Jack the Ripper or Brenda Spencer( I Hate Mondays Girl, responsible for the Cleveland Elementary School shooting). There's also the way he acts. Jeff is defined as having a psychotic nature and will harm himself in certain instances.  This means he should be easier to catch and easier to defeat, we'll get to that later though. I give Sessuer this, he definitely knows about the homicidal criminal mind, they want the attention. Every person that has ever caused a school shooting or anything that causes the mass deaths of people only want to accomplish one goal. And that is to be remembered by the public and media, to have their names instilled in immortal infamy. I also get how he managed to elude the police after he killed his family, they would only be able to find out a few days later. Other then grammar mistakes, spelling mistakes, and a few things that don't work logically (fact he can still see...I'm sorry, I don't think I can get over that fact, and how he managed to beat up three people that had guns and knives) it was one of my earlier favorites that Mr Creepypasta .

This would also spawn a 2015 reboot , which I have to say is more probable than the former story. It starts with Jeff and Liu moving to their new home, a suburbia that makes the boys miss their former home in New Orleans. Their parents , unlike the original, are neglectful and care more about their image and jobs then their kids. The next day, Jeff and Liu decide to check out the town and when they were in video store (I'm somewhat surprised that they still exist) their bikes are taken by three bullies. Who are these bullies you may ask? Why, it's none other than Randy, Keith ,and Troy, ready to ruin a person's life. Jeff approaches them and tries to act civil, not wanting to start up a ruckus. However the bullies do not budge and one punches Liu in the face. Unlike the first one, the fight is more believable. In the first one he had no prior experience in fighting, yet he managed to beat all three bullies and break on of the bullies arms. In this story he has had prior experience in boxing (which makes much more sense then the prior one) and his brother helps him fight off the bullies. The bullies run away with minor injuries (no broken arms) and the boys go home. When they arrive at their house they find a cop car in front of it (no surprise there) and the police are talking to their parents about the fight. Instead of the police giving the parents all the details and taking no sides in the fight, they tell their parents that it was all Liu's and Jeff's fault and that they attacked Randy and his friends for no reason. When the boys try to defend themselves, their parent's "lovingly" tell them to shut up and that they don't care if those were their bikes. They were the ones who instigated the fight and they were lucky that they were not going to jail. I give the writer props for this scene, it's more realistic than what happened in the original though some of what Jeff says is definitely something a teenager would never say or even think of saying. After the police leave, their parents scold them some more ( honestly you only now care about what your kids are doing) and tell them that they are sending Liu to their aunt's house. Jeff is going to stay with his folks, trapped in the house with no entertainment and no chance of of seeing his brother all summer. Well that is until, Jeff's mom brings him over to Randy's house to make a good impression because guess what? Not only does Randy's folks own half the town ,but Randy's father is Jeff's fathers boss. Jeff is led to Randy's room and ,suprisingly for someone who got knocked out, Randy is really nice to Jeff. They talk about their families and Randy talks about how everyone kisses up to him for that reason(understandable, one doesn't know who their true friends are). Then their parents leave to go shopping ( +A parenting) and Randy's friends come over. Randy suggests that they go to the garage because he wants to show Jeff something ( I was really hoping that it was a pit like in "Silence of the Lambs",but no). Instead, he shows Jeff a flare gun (Why Randy's never locked it away is odd to say the least. He may have the police department in his back pocket, but he still could be fined for it). Anyway, Randy holds Jeff at gunpoint and orders Jeff to let Troy and Keith beat him up otherwise he will shoot him with the flare gun.Jeff convinces Randy to stop what he is doing and almost gets out unscathed, but their parents come back, Randy panics, and somehow  manages to shoot Jeff in the face with the flare gun. Jeff later wakes in the hospital to find out a few things. One that his face is permanently scarred and he can not see out of his left eye, that his parents want to homeschool him because of this, Liu is home, and the story that Randy gave to them was that Jeff shot himself in the face. (I would love to say no one is stupid enough to do this, however the Darwin awards would beg to differ). This makes Jeff angry and he refuses to remove the bandages until the day he is supposed to go home. (Again the people at the hospital don't give him a psychological test to make sure he is ok and mentally stable. They just let him leave even though they know that his parentsare horrible and that story Randy gave to everyone is hard to believe. If Jeff had been pointing the gun at himself and hit the trigger it would have hit him in the middle of his faceand either damage his frontal lobe or killed him). Anyway, they bring Jeff home and for awhile everything seems normal until that night. That night, Jeff kills his mother and his father, he doesn't kill Liu though. He spares Liu and leaves in the dead of night.

The reboot version is a lot better than the original. The story is more plausible, the grammar is a lot better, there is a reason to kill the parents other then them not thinking "Jeff is beautiful", he's more realistic, and there's a better connection with Liu. However, there are a few problems. One of them is the way Jeff talks, normally I love it when writers use vocabulary that is rarely used to make a character sound smarter, but Jeff says things a normal teenager would never say. For example, when he talks to one of the police officers he asks them ", who is he to you Officer Williamson? Is Randy your nephew? Is he a friend's son? Or maybe you go over and screw his mom while on duty?" Almost every teenager at Jeff's age would be way to terrified to say that, much less think that. In fact, the only people I can picture saying that normally are people in books. If teenager were to say something like that to a police officer, they would have just went with the profane part of Jeff's question. There's also the way the writer describes Jeff's rising anger, it sounds odd. This is from when Jeff was meeting Randy for the first time. "He's till felt the anger, the rage actually, at the antics of these three assholes. They had the nerve to mess with their bikes; the nerve to insult two kids they'd never met before, and of course, the ultimate offense, touching his brother. ( Anyone feel like this is a double entendre?) However, mixed in with this rage was also a sweet, enjoyable pleasure." This also appears later on in the story and sounds pretty suggestive. " As his mind absorbed the words, he felt that rage return. Sick, rich, dark, that syrup of raw ,primal emotion." (Dove ice cream bars, for the beast in you. Now with extra chocolate syrup.) The devil's I the details, I get it, but something like this doesn't really need to be described so vividly. It ruins the scene, which is a  pretty good scene to me. This is the breaking point, the point where he learns his parents love their image, they could care less about their kids. To them he and Liu are ornaments, meant to be seen and never heard. Then there are a few grammar mistakes and punctuation errors. Other than that, it's okay. It's better than the original, but only by a small margin.

To me, Jeff is sort of like Michael Myers. ( oddly enough someone actually wrote a fanfiction where the two meet. It's bad.) Michael is a normal human being in the movies, however he  has a durability that knows no limits and in one movie he haunts one of his victims. What I mean this is people add powers to him, none that are very noticeable,but if you look for them you can find them fairly easily. Like the fact that he can get slammed into a tombstone by Slenderman ,one of the strongest CREEPYPASTA characters, and get right back up. Or the fact he managed to kill Laughing Jack with a knife. Laughing Jack is a magical being with many capabilities and was created by an Angel. (It's in one of the stories, his origin story to be precise.) What I'm trying to say is, being psychotic doesn't give you super powers just like having an anxiety disorder doesn't give you super speed. If you want to write a character with superhuman strength and durability , that's fine. However, if you attribute to a mental illness, that's not fine. Say that their father trying to find for cancer and was out of test subjects. So he experimented on you're character and the result. Or something like that, just more believable then saying their like this because they're insane. Also ( talking about the " Jeff the Killer Christmas Special) Jeff will kill anybody, no matter if their children or the elderly. He does not discriminate and will , quite literally, stab anyone in the face the first chance he gets.

lasky111@deviantart.com


                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               
There are ,technically, three different Jeff the killers. One is Sesseur's Jeff, one is the reboot, and the final one is the fan made Jeff.
     Let's start with the reboot, the easiest to fight out of all of them. He stil has a few shreds of humanity left, so you might be able to persuade him not to kill you. If not then fight back. He's an adequate boxer and still learning how to use a knife, so long distance weapons like guns are good to use against him. If you are in to close and don't have anything like that on you, then fight dirty. Aim for the left side of his body, he'll be expecting it ,but then take out his right eye. Throw dust or dirt in it, punch it, stick a needle in it, anyway you can take out his right eye. This will make it much easier to fight him or if you have a tranquilizer on you, highly unlikely but still, stab it in his neck or chest near his heart. This way the tranquilizer a will kick in much quicker. For the most part, much easier to take down than the other versions of him.
      Next is Sesseur's version, a lot harder ,but not impossible to survive. He is better trained and has more experience in combat then the reboot version, especially with a knife. No close contact with this one, you get to close and you will die. My suggestion is to either use a long ranged weapon or blind him with light. Use a police grade flashlight to blind him, use sparingly though. He will habituate to it after awhile, so you'll need to blind him then run. If this doesn't work and he manages to catch you, don't beg. This will insight him to kill you more slowly,don't try to play his game either. You won't win and your death will be painful. My suggestion if you are caught in his game is to set him and the board(location) on fire. He still fears it, then again all creatures fear fire,you set him or the location on fire then you will be able to escape his clutches.
       And finally, the fandom version. While this one is definitely psychotic and likely to bring more harm onto himself then others, if you meet him then RUN. Your doomed if you try to fight him, bullets don't affect him and neither does fire. Any harm that does come to him, he will immediately get up and brush it off. He's extremely strong, has an inhuman endurance, and somehow can still avoid the police when flat out drunk. If he catches you though, then try to make him kill you as quickly as possible because if he catches you then you are doomed.



This is the first in a long line of creepypasta profiles and hopefully the next ones will be a lot better. Who knows, maybe next time I will be less sarcastic.... HAHAHA, yeah right.Some killers are well written, however they can be extremely overpowered and somewhat clichéd. I want to show flaws in their character and ways a protagonist can ,theoretically, escape or defeat the monster. Next time, I will take a different quiz and review that character. Or if any of you guys want to make a suggestion, then I'm all ears. Also sorry for the delays, I got my wisdom teeth pulled out and was loopy for a few days. However, I'm back to full mental capacity. Anyway, until next time my unfortunate protagonists~